12 Great Tips For A Long-Lasting Marriage

We’re celebrating a long-lasting marriage of love and friendship, raising our family, continuing to love each other, and empty nest years.

Thirty-four years, as I type. (I’m updating this post in July 2021.)

So, I don’t know how this happened, but time has flown by. We met 35 years ago, dated for seven months, and got engaged. Quick, but it has lasted—a long-lasting marriage.

 

So, we got married, one year to the date, after we met. Because we knew. I knew after I met him for the first time. And I told my mom, “I just met the man I am going to marry.” I did.

We were babies. He was almost 25, and I was almost 22.

So, how has it been 34 years? How have we stayed together happily? And how have we managed a long-lasting marriage? How does a couple living in the age of divorce never consider it, never consider walking away, and calling it quits?

We have a long-lasting marriage for many reasons, but the biggest reason is that we went into our marriage knowing this was it. There is no walking away.

And there is no calling it quits. We knew when we said “I do” it was forever, and we would grow old together—loving and enjoying each other. Forever and ever, Amen.

Til death do we part!

And, that’s just what we are doing. Plus, there is that love thing!

You can’t go into a marriage thinking if this doesn’t work, we will get a divorce.

And, you also can’t think there might be someone else out there for you if this marriage goes sour. My friends and I have always joked that there might be other men, but they all burp, and they all fart, and you would just be trading in, not up.

In other words, keep what you have and work at the relationship. Make it perfect and happy for the two of you. Forever.

You will have fights. And you will have moments when you drive each other crazy. We are all human, and we are all riddled with complicated issues and behaviors. And we are all a bit selfish. Aren’t we?

But, the point is to be the best roommate, best friend, lover, and life partner you can be, and hope the one sleeping next to you forever will do the same.

Our marriage is not perfect, but 35 years ago, I met my best friend. I married him 34 years ago, and now we are starting our 35th year of wedded bliss.

What is wedded bliss?

Usually thought of as supreme happiness, utter joy, or contentment. Bliss is also perfect happiness or great joy. I doubt that married bliss is 24/7 for most couples. Like I said–we are all human. There is no such thing as perfect, so going into marriage with your reality in check will help you not be disappointed.

We are not perfect, and our marriage is not perfect. Because we have had the lowest lows and the highest highs. I learned more about my love for Mark in the lows. And I learned that I would be in this with him forever.

Life and marriage are not all fun and games. I learned in the lows, more so than ever, this is real. Often you learn more from the bad times than the good. This is us. Good and bad, forever.

Thankfully, I can say I have been happy, utterly happy, in my marriage, and I strive to stay that way for another 34 plus years.

Going into the marriage knowing you will be together forever is only the beginning. Here are a few more great tips for a long-lasting marriage. These tips are obvious but must be a priority:

• You have to make up after fights.
• You must watch your tongue and never say hurtful things because you are mad.
• You must forgive and forget.
• You must try to make each other happy every single day.
• You need to laugh. Laugh at each other, laugh with each other, and laugh at life together.
• You need to be selfless. If you are each selfless, you will always be happy.
• You need to have interests together, and also apart.
• You need to watch TV together. Having more than one TV is a marriage downfall.
• You must give from the heart every day, not just on special occasions. Think, “What would make him/her happy?”

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Also, for a long-lasting marriage to last, you must spend time being together, without the kids.

“Don’t ever stop the conversation about the two of you.” – Dedra Davis

Because one day, the kids won’t be there, but you two will be. Remember, you, and he started out as two. You started out dating. No matter how long you have been together, you must still date. The point is to fill up your time together, doing activities you both enjoy.

Together.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Friedrich Nietzsche

Before you find yourself alone in an empty house together, the key is to never lose each other in the first place. Never stop dating. Never stop talking. Never stop laughing. No matter how busy life and schedules get, spend time together.

Even if that time spent together is cooking together, brushing your teeth at the same time, or stealing a few minutes before you both fall asleep. Talk together.

And not about the kids and schedules and teachers and all that stuff that has nothing to do with you as a couple, but talk about couple things.

“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.” Friedrich Nietzsche

We also try to listen to each other.

When he is talking about sports, I will admit—sometimes it is hard to follow. The truth is, I don’t like sports. I tolerate sports. Why? Because Mark loves sports–almost all sports.

I often wish Alex, our son, was still home so Mark would have someone to talk sports with while watching all the many forms on tv. But Alex is not here—I am.

So, I listen.

But as I am not a sports fan, I know he is. I know he loves all sports, and I understand and respect that sports are in his blood. So I “put up” with sports 364 days a year because I love him.

One day a year, there is no sports. This one day a year usually falls around our anniversary. (Funny how God blesses you in tiny ways!) That one day with no sports is the day the ESPY’s air on TV, and I enjoy watching award shows, so it is a win for both of us.

Listening is sometimes hard when you don’t understand or necessarily care about the topic, but it is important.

Listening, like marriage, is a give and take.

This goes both ways. I know there are many topics I speak about he doesn’t care for either, like shopping, decorating, plants, writing picture books, and my friends who I have met (online or in real life) through my writing adventure.

We both try to remember and comprehend what the other is talking about. The point is we both try.

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” Andre Maurois

My long-lasting marriage anniversary gift to Mark a few years ago was the Waco sky, the night we married. (A picture of it, anyway!) I think this customized star map is perfect for hanging in our bedroom. Mark has always loved the sky, as have I.

When the kids were growing up, especially in the summer, he would make us all go outside, lay on the driveway, and look up at the stars, constellations, and satellites. The kids always fussed about this family time, especially as they got older.

But, it is a happy memory for me. The sky—the moon and the stars—symbolize our love, interests, marriage, and future.

There will always be stars in the sky, if God allows, and there will always be us. This is us.

And ending with a joke…

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” -Henny Youngman 

Don’t ever stop the conversation about the two of you.-dedra davis #marriagetips #dedradaviswrites Click To Tweet

I hope for you a long-lasting marriage of 34+ years with your best friend. I hope for you laughter and friendship with the one you love. I hope for you a long-lasting marriage. Forever and ever, Amen.

love and blessings~dd

And to make your own custom star chart or any map of a city, go to ModernMapArt.com and see all the many options and ways to make it custom for you.

OR, for a gift–graduation, birthday, baby’s birth, anniversary, or any reason! And, go to my favorite’s page to check out other items I love!

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P.S. Thank you to our daughter, Danni, for coming over to take these silly pictures of us! We love you!

P.S.S. I was asked by For Every Mom Blog   for permission to use this blog I wrote on long-lasting marriage on their site. I was honored. Read my words, plus other great blogs about marriage and parenting, on For Every Mom Blog.

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