Comparison is a killer. It destroys confidence, creativity, and squashes your dreams and goals. Kill your comparison habits and get back to dreaming.
While watering my flowers yesterday, I began to wish my hydrangeas would bloom again. They haven’t bloomed since the spring. This frustrates me because the blooms are beautiful. My neighbor’s hydrangeas are in full bloom and are gorgeous. Comparison slips in.
I began to compare and think poorly of my gardening ability.
This got me to thinking about how we must have patience with nature. And that led me into negative thoughts about my publishing (because publishing my children’s books is all I think about right now).
When other writers announce their new agent or book deal, I smile. And then I frown. I get down on myself. Why not me?
I must have patience with myself.
Yes. I fail to think about how long their journey has been. How many years have they been on the road to publishing? How many times have they had disappointment? Rejections? I must not compare my months to how long they waited, right?
“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Steven Furtick
I am writing this for myself today.
And for you. We all need to read this and stop feeling bad because what we want isn’t in our hands at this moment.
It doesn’t matter if you are trying to get pregnant, find your true love, land a better job, or grow your photography business. If you are working, dreaming, and planning for that big thing in your future, this blog post is for you. So, read and adhere.
Yesterday, I was feeling sideways (not down, just off) and a friend who always knows the perfect thing to say—said it.
Oanh is my Insta-friend (we are meeting in LA in August, at a children’s book conference, and I can’t wait!!). She is one reason kidlit was on my mind last fall, and why I wrote a children’s book thirty years after I wrote my first four.
Oanh knows so much about the publishing world, especially children’s literature. Her company is Tiny Triumph, and she knows about marketing, social media, and branding. I appreciate her friendship because she teaches me all she knows about publishing. Oanh is my biggest cheerleader, and when I am down ( or sideways), she puts me right side up with her positive words.
I recommend everyone have an Oanh.
She reminds me that I am just getting started. Reminds me I have fantastic writing goals I already hit, and to be proud of myself. She tells me to learn more.
Yesterday, she said what I needed to hear. Thanks, Oanh!
I have also learned (or, I am learning!) to enjoy the process. And I must celebrate the small wins. I need to enjoy this journey.
“There is no need for comparison. Be happy with yourself and find satisfaction in your work.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!
So now, I am telling you to let it go, be patient, don’t give up! We will all get there when it is time for us to be there! Until then you must…
Stay focused
I have submerged myself in the kidlit world. Not only do I write, revise, read, and research daily, I also talk with published, and unpublished authors like myself, daily. I have children’s books in my home. A large sign hangs in my office that reads, “I will be a published children’s book author!”
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Keep the negatives out
When you feel yourself comparing your garden with your neighbors, get to watering and fertilizing. Comparing is the fastest way to let your garden die. It will get you no where fast. I know for a fact, the neighbor planted her hydrangeas years ago. I cannot compare my new flowerless plant to her plant that has much deeper and stronger roots.
That is not fair to my plant or me.
Surround yourself with positive
Find yourself an Oanh. Keeping positive people around you is a healthy thing. No matter what your dream is. We all need friends and family that lift us. And we need to know what we are doing (dreaming about) is doable, attainable. We need people in our corner cheering us on!
People who do not lift you, who do not cheer for you are not happy for you. Draw in the positive. No matter what you are striving for, people who believe in you will help you stay focused and stay motivated to reach your goal.
Learn as much as you can
Whatever your bottom line is—learn about it. Knowledge is powerful. And, knowledge is your key to opening the door you want to walk through. Read, research, learn. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
I check out over twenty children’s books a week at our library. Learning is easy as reading in my genre.
Be persistent
People who reach their goals are persistent people. Be persistent, people! Don’t quit. If you need a breath of fresh air, grab it, but then return to your goal. Persistence will pay off, and you will reach your goal.
If I quit, I will never be a published author. No will always be my answer. I refuse to end with a no, so I will wait on my YES! Be persistent until you receive your yes, whatever that may be for you.
Fail Forward
We all have stumbles. We all fall. And fail. The key is to get up and keep going. Take rejection and failure and let it motivate you to keep moving—forward. Fail forward, and you will eventually cross the finish line!
This year, I stay focused on my YES! rather than the rejections I receive with this phrase.
Pray
I pray for my words. Praying for His will, when it comes to my writing and getting published, gives me power. Strength is knowing it is in His hands. I work hard and write hard. And I have faith.
So, pray.
Like Lailah Gifty Akita wrote in Think Great: Be Great! –“Be you.”
'We all have stumbles. We all fall. And fail. The key is to get up and keep going. Take rejection and failure and let it motivate you to keep moving—forward. Fail forward, and you will eventually cross the finish line!'Click To TweetI wrote this for myself, but I hope if you are reading this, it motivates you, too. Comparison kills so stop comparing your dough to someone else’s perfectly decorated cookie. Don’t compare your sapling to a tree. Please don’t compare your foundation to someone’s house. Don’t compare your hydrangeas to your neighbors!!
I hope for you no comparisons, no failures, and no negative thoughts. But when you have these, I hope for you to adjust your thinking fast so you can continue towards your goal.
love and blessings~dd
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Great article Dedra ! I definitely agree with celebrating the small successes – something I often forget to do !!
I think we all need to be reminded! Thank you for reading!